Hello again. It has been 34 days since I last wrote the most genuine apology to Guy Fieri that I could come up with. I have received many questions about the layoff from people who believed that writing something positive about Guy Fieri marked the end of my food writing career. Well, I’m here to dispel the rumors of my eminent retirement and shit on the city of Westland just one last time. I’m here to announce the actual reason why I did absolutely no reporting of restaurants you’ve never heard of, facts about fats that you never cared about and made up history of cities that some people actually believed.
On September 27th, 2017 I purchased a home, moved out of the city of Westland and into Ypsilanti. You may be wondering to yourself — “Why is this worthy of an entire post? Can you shut up about your life and just review more restaurants?”. The answer is no. This is not a food blog and I am not a restaurant reviewer. This site will always be dedicated to what I am interested in and will run in the form of a story. This post, in particular, is dedicated to the religious experience that was leaving the city of Westland forever.
Now, I previously reported the national news of Westland winning the award for worst food city in America. I also created the foremost source of Westland’s culinary history. This post marks the last time I will ever mention the city of Westland on this site. Consider this a funeral for the mocking of one of the most terrible places in our great country. Ladies and Gentlemen, I will not waste any more of your time with my ramblings. I will not force you to read any more words with sarcastic comments about a community of over 80,000 people. These residents have contributed public record in the form of restaurant reviews on Yelp to prove all of my points. So I’ll let the people of Westland take the wheel from here.
Joseph W. on on his recent visit to Don Miguel, a mediocre Mexican joint that opened last year. Joseph is an English teacher at Westland Middle School and is known for his love for authentic Mexican cuisine.
I would like to introduce you to Rob S., an elite Yelp reviewer that lives in Westland. Rob currently has 36 one star reviews and has a deep love for limes. After hearing the news of my absence, he went into hyper-mode to become the foremost critic of Westland cuisine and posted twelve more negative reviews including the following for Sonic Drive-In. My only question for you Rob, how did you spend $40 at Sonic? Shouldn’t that be the real issue here?
Here’s Margaret V., who recently had her stylist fit her with the “I want to talk to a manager” hair style. Her interests include Boston Market and beginning sentences with “Yeah, no”. She had a poor experience at the Westland Boston Market and had to let everyone know in her normal bulleted form organized by food, drinks and environment. Somehow Margaret is convinced that “Cooks” work at Boston Market.
Here’s Ashley D. at Goldon Corral. You should just read this. I have no commentary.
And finally, here’s Peggy H. who hates chicken wings and thinks Amy is a real bitch.
So if you’re a resident of Westland don’t worry. Your food scene is in good hands. Going forward, the base of this site will be in Ypsilanti, MI which is home to a surprising number of great restaurants representing the cuisines of dozens of different cultures. I look forward to highlighting my favorites for you and not reviewing them on Yelp.