So I’m reading the news just now and I see that Arby’s has purchased Buffalo Wild Wings for $2.4 billion.  Here’s the crazy part:  The deal wasn’t for stock options, as most large corporate acquisitions are, it was for STRAIGHT CASH.  Apparently profits have been dwindling in casual dining establishments as people realize they can actually cook better food themselves.  I needed to post a quick opinion piece.

Can we talk about how terrible Buffalo Wild Wings is for a second?  I have friends that work there (sorry Jake) so definitely keep supporting your local Buffalo Wild Wings — tip well and don’t pick your food up at the carry-out counter and then eat there to avoid tipping.  It’s literally an entire business based upon people feeling comfortable going to a recognizable bar.  Its the Planet Fitness of bars.  There’s no hometown feel, no drunk owner sitting at the end of the bar randomly buying people shots (looking at you, Powell’s Pub), just a bunch of random sports memorabilia and way too many TVs.  It’s like a bizarro Chuck E Cheese for adults.  But people will continue going there because it’s a recognizable name and they know exactly what they are walking into.  People need to be comfortable!

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Can we talk about how bad the wings are at a place called Buffalo Wild WINGS?  It’s almost offensive that a chain specializing in chicken wings is serving bad chicken wings.  In a world where fresh food is thriving and people are actually starting to give a shit what they eat, Buffalo Wild Wings is cutting open bags of frozen chicken wings, frying them, covering them in spicy corn syrup and serving them to you in a paper boat.  Buffalo Wild Wings is home to people who prefer boneless wings to actual chicken wings and pay a MORE to eat chicken nuggets rather than actual wings.  These are the same people who put pineapple on their pizza.

Small complaint, can I get a beer list?  I can’t see far enough to see all of your taps and I’m not trying to be that guy that asks you to name all forty beers on tap.

Smaller complaint, why do I need to drink Pepto Bismol after eating your food?  Am I old or does my stomach just get pissed at me for paying way too much for shitty frozen food?

Bigger complaint, if people are paying a premium for your cheap, terrible food WHY DOES YOUR ALCOHOL COST SO MUCH MONEY?  I once paid $6.25 for 22oz of Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat at a Buffalo Wild Wings.  Why?  Because I’m an idiot.  If you allowed me to drink more I drop my inhibitions and give in to paying top dollar for frozen wings.  It makes sense.

Random question, what percentage of Buffalo Wild Wings regulars have a Planet Fitness Gym membership?

Closing remarks —  It’s no wonder that the need for places like Buffalo Wild Wings are declining and it’s fitting that Arby’s is now the owner of 100% of their company.  People realize that they can purchase a bag of shitty frozen wings from the grocery store and their TV at home is better than all 78 of Buffalo Wild Wings’ TVs.  I guess this is kind of a deep message for an opinion about Buffalo Wild Wings being terrible but don’t seek out a recognizable name and decide to go there.  Try out a local hole in the wall bar for a change and maybe you’ll actually be served a drink the owner who gives a shit if you come back.  You’ll avoid a gigantic bill, a stomach ache from the terrible food and best of all you’ll probably find a new favorite place.

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