Stop Putting Sweet Shit On My Kid’s Breakfast

Warning: If you don’t have kids then this post probably isn’t for you.  Feel free to read it, although you will not learn anything new about food or cooking.

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Before I get started with the meat and potatoes of this post, I want to get a few things out of the way.

  1. One of my favorite things to do with my kid is take her to restaurants and allow her to try new things.  I am secretly (not really a secret) developing her into the greatest chef this world has ever seen.
  2. I appreciate when the people at these restaurants go out of their way to talk to my kid and do little extra things for her.  I will literally double my server’s tip if they are good to my kid.
  3. I’m not obsessive about my kid’s diet.  I do, however, monitor the amount of bullshit she eats and try to keep it at a minimum.

That being said, STOP PUTTING SWEET SHIT ALL OVER MY KID’S BREAKFAST.  If I order pancakes I don’t need an additional ingredient added that I didn’t ask for that doubles the amount of sugar she’s eating for breakfast.  I already ordered something with “cake” in the name that is going to get smothered with syrup, which is basically sugar in liquid form.  I truly appreciate you attempting to do something nice for us and I’m sure you think that it will make her happy but dumping a can of whipped cream on a pancake and then smothering it with sugar is not what I want my kid eating for her first meal of the day.

I visited a breakfast joint last week which I’m not going to name because I’m not reaching for self-importance like some Yelp reviewer.  I noticed there were “Funfetti pancakes” on the menu.  I didn’t choose the Funfetti pancakes because I actually give a shit about my kid’s nutrition and this is breakfast.  Some even go as far as to call it the most important meal of the day.  Side note: Does anyone even know the ingredients in Sprinkes?  What are they?  I ordered plain pancakes, and guess what.  The waitress brought out pancakes with a side of sprinkles.  l was then left with a choice:  Do I take the sprinkles away and cause a public meltdown or do I allow Eleanor to dump a colorful mystery ingredient all over her pancakes?  The choice was easy: Take the L and avoid public meltdowns at all cost.  But guess what, we are never returning to this place because in Eleanor’s mind this is where she is allowed to have sprinkle pancakes.

Fast forward to this morning when I ordered her pancakes at different breakfast joint and they came out with whipped cream eyes and mouth with a chocolate syrup drizzle. Why would anyone give their kid pancakes with whipped cream and chocolate for breakfast?  I understand that if a kid was going to make breakfast for themselves it would consist of mainly whipped cream and chocolate but that is why kid’s can’t physically make their own meals.  If they could our entire population would look like Chris Christie.  So don’t enable this behavior because I’m now not going to back to this place either because it will be forever known as the place that puts chocolate and whipped cream on pancakes.

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The really shitty thing about this isn’t that I can’t go back to your restaurant because my kid will expect desert for breakfast, it’s that she will expect this from every place she goes now.  Pancakes will slowly turn into a delivery system for additional sugary ingredients.  It will slowly get to the point where I just can’t give her pancakes anymore.

To close this out, I understand that I can avoid these issues by simply cooking for my kid at home.  Trust me, I do.  There is just something about taking her out in public and letting her read through a menu and ordering her own breakfast.  It’s something I like sharing with her.  The only thing I’m asking here is bring me what I order and not some “kid friendly” version of it.  If you have raised your kids to appreciate different flavors and not just rely on sweet and salty flavors, your kid will actually eat food that doesn’t need to be covered in ice cream toppings.

So that is it.  If you work at restaurant consider this the next time you bring out someone’s order.  It will help parents like me, who actually care about what their kid eats.

And last thing, which is a different subject but I’m including it in here, STOP PUTTING CANDY DISPENSERS AT THE EXIT OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Thanks.

Tom and Chee

Warning: There isn’t anything in this post that’s incredibly interesting, it’s more just me talking about my surprise from a recent visit to a national chain restaurant, which I usually try to avoid. Now that you’ve been warned you may continue to read on or just skip this post all together.

I’m an absolute sucker for any product that has been on Shark Tank but for some reason I had never paid Tom and Chee a visit. Eleanor had a very important decision the other day. Do we enjoy some “Detroit Style” Pizza at Buddy’s or do we eat grilled cheeses at Tom and Chee’s? I was hoping for Buddy’s but for some reason my road dog had a craving for grilled cheeses that particular day. I had always been curious about this establishment specializing in grilled cheese and soups. How could you go wrong with that combination? Even in my younger days I could produce a mean grilled cheese with Kraft singles.

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Now as you can probably tell Eleanor doesn’t have much interest in the documenting your food on-line and writing about it game. She would much rather just eat the food and be done with it. She has deeper interests like toy shows on YouTube, Paw Patrol and jazz camp. It’s OK though, I’ve got the food reporting under control.

I went with the Grilled Mac and Chee which is a mac and cheese, Wisconsin cheddar cheese, applewood smoked bacon and crispy onions all melted together between two slices of white bread. There is absolutely no way something can be bad no matter what you do with those ingredients. It’s impossible to screw up. For dipping purposes, I got a bowl of creamy tomato basil soup.

Quick question, how much tomato soup do you think gets wasted every year because the only logical purpose of tomato soup is for dipping grilled cheese? Further more, is tomato soup ever really wasted if you don’t have grilled cheese to dip in it?

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There’s only one way for me to describe this sandwich and that’s to say holy shit. This had to be one of those most disgustingly delicious sandwiches I have ever had. It was most definitely the most dense 1200 calories I have ever consumed. I expected a mess of possibly my favorite two ingredients (bacon and cheese) but this was just over the top. I seriously wasn’t the same for about three hours after consuming this. We went to the park after and I laid on the slide while Eleanor played on the swings. It was embarrassing.

Amazingly if this isn’t a fat enough sandwich for you they are proud to offer it to you IN BETWEEN A DONUT. Seriously, Tom and Chee? Are you trying to kill people?

So in summary, you should go to Tom and Chee. Just one time. I will probably never be back because it’s almost too good. In my old age, I can’t be eating shit like this anymore. Mac and cheese with bacon on a sandwich? Come on.

That’s all. Sorry for possibly the most uneventful post in MoorsFood’s history. Look at that sandwich though.

Jesus.

IHOP Cheeseburger Omelette

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Add this to my brand new WTF category..

I’m a big fan of breakfast but in no way do I find it be the most important meal of the day. I classify breakfast as more of a prep meal for lunch.. Something to get me through the first few hours of the day until I can enjoy an actual meal. Anything larger than a bowl of cereal or a sandwich and my day starts in slow motion.

Apparently IHOP thinks it’s a good idea to absolutely destroy people’s stomach in the morning.  Their new cheeseburger omelette is filled with ground beef, hash browns, tomatoes, onions, and American cheese, and topped with ketchup, mustard, and pickles.

When I first read the description of this it wasn’t the eight different ingredients in an omelette that pushed it over the top. It wasn’t the decision to add hash browns to a cheeseburger omelette either. It was the decision to cover an omelette in ketchup and mustard that gave me a stomach ache just thinking about it.

It’s not that I expect better from IHOP. I really don’t. I have had many disgustingly delicious meals at IHOP that made it so I could accomplish absolutely nothing that day. What I do expect is for no one to think it’s a good idea to put ketchup and mustard on an omelette.

Unacceptable IHOP.  UNACCEPTABLE.